Pimp Alert

Karl, age 10

It looks like we've gotten another look into this kid's balla life. Here he is in his natural habitat, hanging with hotties and being awesome. He seems to have upgraded a little since the last picture, realizing that older girls know more stuff. Bravo young sir, you've continued to prove you can ball to you fall. And for that, we salute you.

Bus 62 Has No Fear

The thoughts of the driver of the bus - "Just a little rain out there. I say fuck it, drive on through. Might even clean the floors up a bit, save me some time later. Check out the awesome waves I'm making. Almost there......almost...... I DID IT I AM A GOD AMONGST MEN AND BUS 62 IS MY GLORIOUS STEED. BOWN DOWN TO ME AND WORSHIP YOUR NEW KING"

Also, why didn't that person try to get out of the way of those waves? Did they think they wouldn't get knocked back?

The Secret World of Animals

Allan! Allan! Allan! Allan! Allan! Allan! Allan! Allan! Allan!

Summer Movie Review - Hall Pass

This movie could have been really shitty. Luckily, it was not. Hall Pass was a pretty solid little comedy, with some solid jokes, great supporting cast and, of course, boobies. What's not to like?

Best Part - The hypothetical hall pass story from the British guy at the end of the movie was gold.

Rating - 3.5/5

Monday Music - Notorious B.I.G. "Ten Crack Commandments" and "Hypnotize"

Biggie Smalls has swag to infinity. I have no idea how I left him off my Top 7 Rappers list, as he is definitely one of the best that ever did it. One of the very first rap songs I remember hearing was Hypnotize, and I don't think a better introduction could have been given. Enjoy the classics below, and go listen to a few more after while your at it.

"Ten Crack Commandments"

"Hypnotize"

Summer Movie Review - The Mechanic

If you liked The Transporter series, or the Crank movies, or really any other movie Jason Statham is in, then you will enjoy this movie. If you don't like Jason Statham, then we are no longer friends. I mean it. We're just too different.

Best Part - They literally drove a SUV head on, and then straight through, a bus. It was awesome.

Rating - 4/5

Summer Movie Review - Unknown

I really liked Taken, and from the reviews I had read I heard that Unknown was similar, so I went in expecting the movie to be good. And it was. Unknown was a solid action movie, with plenty of attractive ladies, and unexpected plot turns (that may or may not make sense) to keep you satisfied. It wasn't as good as Taken, but that movie was also the bee's knees.

Best Scene - Once Liam Neeson decided to be a badass for the rest of the movie, it got a lot better

Rating - 3.5/5

Summer Movie Review - Sucker Punch

During the action scenes with robot nazis and demon samurais, the movie was BADASS. During the rest of it, it was confusing and ridiculous. I wouldn't recommend it unless you're really, really, really high. But at that point you could watch most anything and have a great time.

Best Part - Fighting the samurais came out of nowhere (like most everything in this movie) and were ready to party.

Rating - 2.5/5

Best Cab Driver Ever

What the fuck goes on in cabs in Brazil? The cab drivers here are either surly or slinging wisdom, but never doing impressions of popular 80's songs.

Summer Movie Review - Paul

Paul was a pretty decent movie. The problem is that I was expecting something better. Paul is from the same guys that made Shaun of the Dead Hot Fuzz, and Paul doesn't come anywhere near the level of those two movies. It's not that it's bad - it's that it's just alright. I dunno, maybe my expectations were too high.

Best Moment - Bill Hader and Joe Lo Truglio playing hide and seek on the job

Rating - 3/5

Summer Movie Review - The Usual Suspects

Knowing the big plot twist going in to the movie kinda ruined it for me. It was ok, but I felt like it would have been better not knowing

Best Part - Anytime Benicio Del Toro talked

Rating 3/5

Why You Get Hangovers with James May

Just a quick lesson on why you feel like your brain got hit by a Mack Truck the morning after you spend your night getting reacquainted with your old friend Olde English. Also, Top Gear is the shit.

Best Store Ever

What else could you ask for?

I was originally going to a top 7 list for reasons why Walmart is awesome (because it is), but I couldn't find seven real points. So here's the summary of my argument - using a near perfect distrubution model, Walmart is able to offer almost anything to it's customers at a lower price, without sacrificing quality. Yes, they crush competition, but if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. And fuck unions. Be grateful you have a job.

The Karl's Shenanigans State of the Union Address

WOO KARL'S SHENANIGANS IS FIVE MONTHS OLD!!!!!!!1!!1!!11!

Karl's Shenangins: The Greatest Blog ever ....blogged

Anyways, after five months, I've finally started to get a grasp on how to properly run a blog. Because of this, I have decided to make some changes to the overall style of the blog. I haven't really decided what I want to do more of, and what to cut out, so if there's anything you want to see more of or see less of, tell me about it. The first change I'm announcing is that I will no longer be writing the UFC posts - they take a lot of time, and don't fit in well with the rest of the blog.

Also, quick shout out to my fans in Denmark - I think it's cool knowing people across the world visit my site

Monday Music - Big Sean "I Do It" and "Too Fake"

I've been blasting Big Sean tracks all week, so I figured he earned his shout out on a small Canadian blog (obviously this will be the highlight of his life - how could it not be?). He's got a new album coming out soon, so that should be sick, and I've got two songs to get you excited for it.

I Do It

Too Fake

Summer Movie Review - XMen First Class

Now, I usually enjoy superhero movies cause theyre all about kicking crazy monster ass (and the usual attractive ladies in skimpy clothing doesn't hurt any). If you also enjoy superhero movies for this reason, then you will enjoy First Class. I don't know much about the comic books and how this really fits in (i'm assuming they just took random characters from the comic book and shoved them together), but it didn't have any negative effect on the movie experience for me. The story isn't revolutionary, but it serves it's point, and I thought James McAvoy (from Wanted) and the guy who plays Magneto both gave solid performances, and both January Jones and the girl who played Mystique (I think she was nominated for an Oscar last year) filled their roles of "Look, I have boobies" very well. I'm not kidding when I say I don't think there was a scene with January Jones that didn't show off her cleavage. I am also not complaining

Best Part - The ending when Magneto finally gets his revenge on Kevin Bacon (I can only assume he was upset that Bacon did not star in Hollow Man 2) was pretty cool. And the two major cameos were pretty awesome (I didn't expect em at least)

Rating - 3.5/5, or better than X-Men 3, but not as good as X-Men 1 or 2. About equal with the Wolverine movie.

Extra, almost completely unrelated fun fact: The Wikipedia page for Hollow Man 2 has a warning that the plot summary is either too long, or excessively detailed. You get to choose which one.

Little Kids Playing With Guns

This is both very strange and very awesome. I dunno about the song though.

EDIT - I did not realize that this video was far too large for my normal layout. 

Conan OBrien is Awesome at Speeches

It's a long video, but I thought it was both funny and inspiring. I've watched a few episodes of Conan recently and it's pretty funny - definitely becoming a fan.

The Truth

I had to do it.

That's how I spend 60, no 65 percent of my time

Armchair Matchmaker - UFC 131

I'll be honest, I didn't watch most of the fights. It was my birthday so I was busy getting shitfaced. Anyways, I've read a few play by plays, so hopefully that will make up for it (and I saw some highlights on The Score at like 3 in the morning.

Cut List - Mike Massenzio, Aaron Rosa

Junior Dos Santos vs Cain Velasquez
This is a matchup between the two that many believe are the best heavyweights in the world. Velasquez is a tremendous wrestler (as well as having some serious power), while Dos Santos is an elite level boxer (with great defensive wrestling). If Velasquez can take Dos Santos down, the fight should be his. If it stays on the feet though, this could go any which way.

Monday Music - Jimi Hendrix "Little Wing" and "Voodoo Child"

Jimi Hendrix is the coolest. Nuff said.

Little Wing

'Voodoo Child"

The Most Interesting Man in the World

The year is 1991. A young boy named Robert Jeffrey got what every little boy was dreaming of, the oppurtunity to record a music video in front of a green screen. Getting his choice for song, he knew that there wasn't much of a choice at all: How could one not choose "Vogue" by Madonna? So he got up there, took a deep breath, and gave A PERFORMANCE OF THE MILLENIA. Using moves others had thought impossible to pull off, and leaving everything out there in front of the green screen, little Robert Jeffrey was for, at least a moment, the most magnificent performer the world had ever known.

Fun Fact - Tim Allen May Be A Badass

Nice 'Stache

As it turns out, Tim Allen - otherwise as known as Tim "The Toolman" Taylor- served two years in jail for dealing coke. I'll never be able to watch Home Improvement and not think about that again. Or Toy Story.

The Odyssey of the Modern Man

It's like the Odyssey, if Odysseus was plastered the whole time instead of fighting monsters from Greek mythology

BONUS PICTURE!!!1!!1!!1!
Sure, there's been plenty of papers written on The Aeneid vs the Odyssey, but what would happen if they fought for real? Luckily, I have a photograph from ancient times, depicting an actual battle between the Aeneid and the Odyssey that took place in Plato's secret illegal gambling den. Legends say that the Odyssey won by third round TKO, but no one knows for sure.

The Odyssey smiles as he can see fear in the Aeneid's eyes

Unbelievable Sights, Indescribable Feelings

"Yeah I fly on carpets all the time, this is no big deal"

I can show you the world
Shining, shimmering, splendid
Tell me princess now when did you last
Let your heart decide?
I can open your eyes
take you wonder by wonder
Over, sideways, and under
on a magic carper ride
A whole new world!
A new fantastic point of view
No one to tell us no,
or where to go,
or say we're only dreaming...

Karl's Picks - UFC 131

 Time for the third UFC card in three weeks, and we got a bunch more ahead. As a fan, it's great, but I'm struggling getting the Picks and Matchmaker posts up for each event. This is the biggest card of the recent ones, and features a really good matchup of Junior Dos Santos and Shane Carwin. Both guys are the definition of knockout artists, and fireworks should be expected. Anyways, on to the picks.

Darren Elkins (11-2, 1-1 UFC) vs Michihiro Omigawa (12-9-1, 0-3 UFC)
Recent Fights
Elkins: Submission loss to Charlie Oliveira, TKO win over Duane Ludwig, decision win over Gideon Ray
Omigawa: Decision loss to Chad Mendes, submission wins over Cole Escovedo and Young Sam Jung
Strengths
Elkins: Good record in the minors
Omigawa: Great judo, lots of experience
Weaknesses
Elkins: Haven't seen much from him
Omigawa: Can be outwrestled,
Prediction
Elkins, after two quick fights in the UFC, makes his featherweight debut against one of the best in the world in Michihiro Omigawa. It might not look like it from his record, but Omigawa is an outstanding featherweight, who UFC losses are to top contender Chad Mendes and two previous losses years ago at lightweight. I really don't know much about Elkins - both of his fights have lasted less than two minutes, and his win only came by injury. I think Omigawa is going to show how experience makes a difference by easily taking the fight to the mat and submitting Elkins. Omigawa by armbar in the first.

Karl's Top 7 - Most Badass Characters on Beast Wars

Many don't know this, but Beast Wars is actually the greatest television show ever made. The show started with a basic concept of having gorillas fight dinosaurs (which, on it's own, sounds fucking sweet) and kicked up a notch by also making the gorillas and dinosaurs Transformers. Then they made shit real by setting the whole show on *spoilers* Earth. I know what you're thinking, and yes, the show was often dangerously intense and overwhelmingly badass. I'm pretty sure you aren't supposed to watch Beast Wars if you have a heart condition because there's so much action.
I remember having a VHS of the first two episodes, and it came with a card that, when you turned it, changed from Optimus Prime Animal Form and Robot Form. I guarded that card with my life.

7. Tarantulus
When I was younger, I liked Tarantulus alot more, but upon more recent viewings, he's kind of a dick. He still can shoot bullets from his arms and has cool gadgets though.

Monday Music - Common "Be" and "Go"

Common is just a cool fucking character. If Common was a character in Grease, he would definitely be Kenicke (Fuck Danny Zuko). If he was a character on Beast Wars he would most certainly be Tigertron (I'd say Rhinox, but Rhinox is simply to awesome to have a mere human as a parallel). If he was a boss in the first Paper Mario game, he would be the Crystal King (Nothing like Tubba Blubba - that guy's a pansy).

Anyways, here's the tunage. Listening to music like this is good for your ears. Listen enough and you'll be able to fly around with them like Dumbo. And don't even try to say that wouldn't be awesome.

"Be"

"Go"

Karl's Review - LA Noire

One of the first cases you get, and one of my favorites of the whole game

I just finished LA Noire, and I have to say, while it was a great game it felt a little short of what I expected. While a great game, I didn't feel the same way about LA Noire as I felt with Rockstar's previous game, Red Dead Redemption. That's not a knock against LA Noire - Red Dead Redemption is one of my favorite games on the 360 - I was just expecting something as good and felt that LA Noire came close to, but never quite up to, that level.
LA Noire is still a fantastic game. The whole investigation and interrogation system was really well implemented, and interrogating was both a lot harder, and a lot more fun, than I expected it to be. The story cases are all well done, and the additional street cases add some more action into a game that at times can be a little slow. Throwing in hidden cars, film reels, newspapers, and landmarks to collect add more to do, and the virtual LA Rockstar created is extremely detailed and well crafted. The game was a little shorter than I expected, but there's enough additional content there to keep you interested. I'd be interested in the DLC that gets released later, and might end up picking up a rerelease with all the extra content later.

Overall - 9/10

Armchair Matchmaker - Ultimate Fighter 13 Finale

Unlike last week's UFC 130, the finale card was actually pretty good. Some solid undercard fights, coupled with some good KOs on the main card means an overall entertaining night of fights.

Cut List - Ken Stone, Ryan McGillivray, Chuck O'Neil,

Clay Guida vs the winner of Jim Miller v. Ben Henderson
Clay Guida picked up a big win with his decision over Anthony Pettis, but it wasn't the most exciting performance. A fight against the winner of the upcoming Jim Miller/Ben Henderson fight would create a number one contender, as well as being a matchup in which both guys tremendous wrestling could negate each other, forcing the fight to stay on the feet.

Karl's Picks - Ultimate Fighter 13 Season Finale

 Well, another shitty season of The Ultimate Fighter is in the bag, and it's time for the final card. Outside of the main event, there's not a whole lot of interesting stuff here, but it's free, so what do you expect? Also, due to the lateness of this post (some of the fights were only announced in the past few days) this won't be a full prediction post - sorry to the three people that might care.

Chuck "Cold Steel" O'Neil (8-3) vs Chris "C-Murder" Cope (4-1)
Let's get the obvious out of the way - those are some fucking awful nicknames. Two of the worst I've ever heard. As for a pick, I don't know - from what I've seen both of these guys suck. I guess I'll go with Cope because I watched one of the O'Neil fights and he just looked awful. On the bright side I doubt either of these guys will be around by this time next year.

Summer Movie Review - Boondock Saints

Overall, pretty cool movie. Never felt slow, had some fuckin awesome action scenes, and Rocco was hilarious. I also didn't know that Ron Jeremy was in any movies where he didn't play Ron Jeremy. The more I think about it, the more I like it. If you haven't (and i assume many of you have), check it out. If you have seen it, watch it again.

Best scene: The action scene that Willem Dafoe explains as it happens was awesome, and the incident with the cat was strange and hilarious.

Rating - 4.5/5