Rage Faces: A Primer

Above: The many faces of the internet

If you don't know what rage faces are, please go stumble around here. For those that know, enjoy this graph of the many different rage faces.

Lessons in Being a Boss with John Carpenter

This is how you win Who Wants to be a Millionaire when your a total fucking badass

Also, Regis Philbin is my idol. (Well, one of, along with Alex Trebek and Pat Sajak)

Monday Music - Lupe Fiasco "Words I Never Said" and "Daydreamin"

I just downloaded Lupe Fiasco's "Lasers", and I gotta say, it's pretty solid. I should have expected good things after enjoying Food and Liquor and The Cool, but I was still impressed by how much I liked the album after listening through it. I gotta get a few more listens in before I can decide what my favorite songs are, but I saw Words I Never Said on the Colbert Report and it was awesome. If you haven't heard any Lupe before, I strongly recommend checking out more of his songs - he's pretty fucking good.

"Words I Never Said"

"Daydreamin"

Plans for the day

Starting LA Noire today - hopefully will have a review up at the end of the week. I've heard good things, and Rockstar generally delivers, so I'm pretty excited.

Armchair Matchmaker - UFC 130

 This is probably the fastest I've ever had a matchmaker post up. Fuck I'm awesome. Anyways, fights were ok, seen better cards before, but I've also seen worse. Too many decisions.

Cut List - Rafaello Oliveira, Kendall Grove

Rampage Jackson vs the winner of Shogun Rua v Forrest Griffin
Even though he didn't get a finish, Rampage still looked very good in defeating Matt Hamill. Going forward, Rampage is likely one fight away from a title shot, and a fight against either Rua or Griffin would both push him towards a title shot, as well as be a shot for redemption (Rampage holds losses to both guys). Had he finished Hamill, he could have secured a title shot, but with the title held up for the next while, a fight against either Rua or Griffin would solidify a title shot (the same goes for either Rua or Griffin - if they win they would also likely get a shot).

Funny Business

Just Zack Galifinakis and Will Ferrell being awesome. Nuff said.

Summer Movie Review - True Grit

Going in, I kinda thought I was gonna be bored watching the movie, but I was wrong. True Grit was pretty fucking good. I should have expected good things after No Country for Old Men, but the Coen Brothers sure know how to make a good movie. Jeff Bridges was pretty badass, and he had some good chirps for Matt Damon. Definitely recommend checking this one out

Best Part - The crazy bear guy, if only because he made little sense in the context of the movie and needed to be on drugs in order to be explained.

Rating - 4.5./5

Karl's Picks - UFC 130

 It's been a month since the last UFC (although you wouldn't know it by how late the matchmaker post went up), and I'm just about ready for some more fights. I was actually really looking forward to the original headliner of Frankie Edgar vs Gray Maynard 3, but with that canceled due to injury, were left with a pretty shitty main event in Rampage Jackson vs Matt Hamill. That being said, the rest of the card is pretty solid, and sometimes the weaker cards on paper end up being the most entertaining. Now, onto the fights.

Chris "Kamikaze" Cariaso (11-3, 1-0 UFC) vs Michael "Mayday" McDonald (12-1, 1-0 UFC)
Recent Fights
Cariaso: Decision win over Will Campuzano, submission loss to Renan Barao, decision win over Rafael Rebello
McDonald: Decision win over Edwin Figueroa, submission win over Clint Godfrey, KO win over Cole Escovedo
Strengths
Cariaso: Good amount of experience
McDonald: Well rounded, excellent finisher, good size for bantamweight
Weaknesses
Cariaso: Not a good finisher, skills not overly impressive
McDonald: Still very young (only 20)
Prediction
Simply put, this fight really shouldn't be close. McDonald is one of the best prospects in the division, and Cariaso doesn't look to be much more than a low level gatekeeper at best. McDonald should be able to win the fight no matter where it goes, and I see him picking a up a big first round victory, either by sub or KO.

Now Introducing Whiplash, the Cowboy Monkey

He probably gets more monkey tail then you can even imagine. Go ahead. Try and imagine it. You won't be able to.

Monday Music - The Offspring "Self Esteem" and "Pretty Fly"

It's time for every white suburban kids favorite punk band circa 2001, The Offspring. The Offspring are responsible for some of my favorite songs, and one of my all time favorite albums (Americana). The songs I chose are almost certainly ones you've heard before, but that doesn't matter even one little bit because they are fucking awesome. Time to rock out.

Side Note - I created my own music video to "Pretty Fly" for Grade 9 Drama. To this day I am glad it was never filmed.

"Self Esteem"

"Pretty Fly"

No Respect

Spiderman? Does that motherfucker look like Spiderman to you?

You go to all the trouble of being a superhero, and one cab driver completely destroys your self esteem. That's the kind of thing that makes you go home and cry in the shower. In fairness, what superhero has to take a cab?

Summer Movie Review - Reservoir Dogs

I know, I know. How had I not seen Reservoir Dogs up to this point? I can't give ya an answer, but now that I have seen it, I can agree with pretty much everyone that it was a pretty badass flick. From the breakfast scene at the beginning analyzing "Like A Virgin" and tipping, to the Mexican Standoff at the end, Reservoir Dogs is a great movie. The only scene I thought was kinda slow was the part explaining Mr. Orange's past. Other than that, it was awesome. Then again, I've enjoyed every other Tarantino movie I've seen, and expected this movie to be good, so I guess I shouldn't really be surprised.

Best Scene - Mr. Blonde's dance to "Stuck In The Middle With You"

Rating - 4/5

This Place Looks Pretty Cool

Don't really know what the fucks going on with that sink though.

Sometimes, I wish I could go on cool vacations. And by sometimes, I mean all of the times. That's right. All of them.

Happy Rapture Everyone!

If you're reading this, I have gone to the great dustbuster in the sky

BALLER ALERT!

You know the difference between you and me? I make this look good.

Why Are All These Waitresses Hitting On Me?

I've been asking myself this question for a while now. Like, I realize I'm hot shit, but the girls at Wendy's never let me holler. So I thought to myself, to waitresses treat all customers this way, or can they all simply not resist my rugged good looks and exquisite charm? Luckily, The Onion News Team has done an undercover expose to reveal the truth.

No wonder the girls at the strip club were being so nice to me. I'll never trust a girl named Cinnamon again.

Public Service Message

Drunk babies are the number one hazard on today's roads.

This picture reminds me of the Derrick Comedy skit Drunk Baby, the heartwarming tale of a baby who is always drunk.

Karl's Top 7 - Secondary Community Characters

 If you're not already watching Community, then you're missing out on the best comedy currently on television. The many misadventures of Jeff, Britta, Troy, Abed, Annie, Shirley, and Pierce - along with Dean Pelton and Senor Chang - make for comedy gold episode after episode. But I'm not here to talk about them. This list is a shout out to the secondary characters on Community, who through two seasons have become key members of the show themselves. WARNING: If you do not watch Community, you will likely not be interested in this post. May I interest you in flying turtles instead?

7. Gareth
Gareth was one of the first secondary characters shown on Community, and has never really had more than one or two lines in an episode. He ended up running for class president because he thought he had gotten into a line to get ice cream, and doesn't follow orders from girls because they don't talk to him. Maybe one day we'll get an episode that lets us really get to know Gareth, but alas, that day has not yet come.

Best Episode - Modern Warfare

Summer Movie Reviews - Tomorrow Never Dies

Let's get one thing straight to start - James Bond movies are FUCKING DOPE. That's a scientific fact. I haven't seen all of them, but every one I have seen has been awesome, and Tomorrow Never Dies is no exception. The plot boils down to James Bond is a boss, so don't even try shit. Granted, it's not as good as The World is Not Enough, but that's like comparing regular Oreos to Double Stuff Oreos - there both awesome.

Best Part - The first scene where James Bond spies on, and then has to escape from, a illegal arms swap is fantastic. Ridiculous? Yes. Awesome? Double yes.

Review - 4/5

Armchair Matchmaker - UFC 129

As some of you may know, UFC 129 marked the first time I had ever gone to a UFC show live, and it was an experience. It's definitely not something I would do frequently, as I ended up watching the screen most of the time anyways, but the atmosphere was great, and the card (outside of the main event) was outstanding. My main problem with watching live is that you can't hear the commentary, and it really takes away alot from the fights. I know you can get radios to listen to it, but fuck if I'm paying for that shit. Also, when the UFC comes back, Toronto needs to be better prepared - getting home on transit was a bitch and a half. I did get a bunch of free shit though (Did you know Tapout made an energy drink?) Anyways, on to the fights to make

Special mention to Randy Couture, who retired after his KO loss to Lyoto Machida - if any fighter deserves to be in the UFC Hall of Fame, it's him.

Cut List - Ryan Jensen, Yves Jabouin, Kyle Watson

Georges St. Pierre vs Anderson Silva (given that he gets past Yushin Okami)
Straight up, St. Pierre's fight against Shields blew. I can't say it was much different from what I expected, but I'm getting tired of seeing St. Pierre clearly outclass someone on the feet, but not even try to go for a finish. There is no fight at 170 I want to see with St. Pierre, so it is time for him to take the step up. Silva is the most dominant fighter to ever step in to the Octagon, and  no matter what this fight would sell. Do it up.

Walking Is Very Difficult

That's Team Finland goalie coach (and former NHL goalie) Pasi Nurminen. I'm no expert, but I think the guy might have had a few drinks. Only one or two though. Three at most.

Cats in Space

It looks like a cat birthday, and a really fun cat birthday at that.

Looks like these kitties have had a little too much catnip. Or not enough. I'm leaning towards the latter.

New Moves for the Club

This guy has some SICK moves. He should get a crew together and take America's Best Dance Crew by storm. JC Chasez wouldn't even know what to do after he sees this guy own the stage.

Dude even does the robot and it's still awesome. That's fucking skill.

Summer Movie Review - The Town

Here's my main problem with The Town - there's already another film (The Departed) that's has the same setting and similar plots, and is just better. The Town, on it's own, is a pretty decent movie. But the entire time I was watching, all I could think was "Man, The Departed was pretty fucking good". So I guess my review is "Go see The Departed". Also, Ben Affleck was in Daredevil, so fuck him. (Sidenote - As terrible as Daredevil was, Elektra was at least five times worse. But also ten times more hilarious.)

Best Part (Because Best Line doesn't really work for every movie) -In general, the actual robbery scenes were pretty good. But The Dark Knight did those better too. Fuck, this movie really didn't do anything better than a previous movie.

Review - 3/5

Monday Music - Childish Gambino "Break" and "The Longest Text Message"

Now, anyone who's read my blog for a while knows that I'm a pretty big fan of Donald Glover AKA Childish Gambino. I've held off from including him in a Monday Music post primarily because I feel I've hyped him enough, and partly because I wanted to showcase other cool music. The reason I chose him for this week though, is because TONIGHT I'll be going to see him in concert. I'm pretty pumped about it, so here's a couple of songs to make you wish you were going too.

Edit: For some reason this didn't go up when I wanted it too. Gambino concert was the dopeness.

Break (All Of The Lights Remix)

The Longest Text Message

Summer Movie Reviews - American Psycho

American Psycho, for lack of a better term, was a very strange movie. After watching it, I'm not really sure if I enjoyed it or not. On one side, it was an interesting message about the perception people have of each other, and detailed analysis of music before he killed was kinda funny, if only because it was so ridiculous. But there was simply far too many shots of Christian Bale's ass. Far, far too many. Also, why this movie needed a sequel I'll never know.

Best Line: "Oh Africa Brave Africa" It was.... a laugh riot

Rating 3/5

Summer Movie Reviews - Stripes

 Starting right now, and at least for the rest of the summer, I'm going to write a review for every new movie I watch. These movies may not be recent releases (like Stripes) but they will be movies that I had not seen prior. For the first review, I've got the Bill Murray comedy Stripes. Stripes follows Bill Murray and Harold Ramis as they join the army (because why not?) and the various misadventures they get into. While Stripes doesn't compare to the classic Bill Murray films (Caddyshack, Groundhog Day, Ghostbusters) it's still pretty good. I'd recommend it to anybody that likes Bill Murray and wants to see John Candy mud wrestle four girls.

Best Quote: "Chicks dig me because I rarely wear underwear, and when I do it's something unusual"

Rating  - 3.5/5

There is no shame in going the extra mile for a Klondike Bar.

In fairness, Klondike bars are FUCKING DELICIOUS. But would I kill a man for one? Well, that depends on who. Two Klondike bars though? Someone's gonna die.

Just to Clear Things Up

Well I'm glad he cleared that up. Usually when I hear someones married and has two kids, I presume they;re gay.

I'm way more worried about the fact that he seems to be sleeping during a debate.

Also, I realize it's been a while since my last post - I've just gotten my computer all set up again and posts should start coming more often.